Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
