she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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