i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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