I CAN MOONWALK!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
