i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
