i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
