i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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