just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
