Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
