she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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