I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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