You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
