I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
