lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
