I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
that is very illegal...i love you.
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