I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
