I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
