I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
if only i could text you this smell
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
