She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize