i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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