Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
