Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
