yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
