did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
