I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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