Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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