i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
