I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
