there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
