he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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