I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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