Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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