you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
