i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
