How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize