Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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