i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
