god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
