1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
