oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
being pregnant is like rehab
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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