....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
