we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
