if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
