Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
