Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
