When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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