I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
