So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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