This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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