I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
