Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
