I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
