oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
