Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
