I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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