I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The Olympian is in my bed
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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