Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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