My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
