EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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