I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
