Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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