i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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