I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
