so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
