I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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