She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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