I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
