I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Are my feet made of real feet?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
