im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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