Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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