I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
