The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
