this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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