...so i touched it.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
