Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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