did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
