How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
