Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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