why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize