Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
