"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
