That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And then my night got REAL pukey
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
