She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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