i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
