Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
