I'm gonna have a badass scar
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
