Quick, to the slutcave!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
