fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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