If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
