Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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