I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
