Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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