um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize