So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
foreskin is a definite game changer
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
