I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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