She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
