I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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