I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
