I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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