dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
