We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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