I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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