I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
