Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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