last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize