I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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